She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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