so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
