Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
