I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
