Who wears a wallet chain?!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
