i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
