2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
