We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
