she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
