Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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