quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
