to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
