So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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