Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
