There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
