never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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