I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
