He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
