I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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