Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
