I hate all girls vehemently.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Randomize
