We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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