Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
