So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
