just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
