if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
