I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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