i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
