i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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