Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
