i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
