some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
