The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Pants are for mortals
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
