Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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