yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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