I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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