the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
