i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
