Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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