are you still at the devil's house?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think your dad took our porno
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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