Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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