Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
