You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
