i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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