How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
where are you?
Hypothermia
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
