I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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