do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
