In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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