You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
