Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
