Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
